Sunday, February 14, 2010

Memorial

I watched a woman die outside of a chicken restaurant one time.

Or at least I think I did. See, the ambulance came and took her away, so I don't know if she survived or not. What I do know is that she had some sort of siezure in the parking lot and her head smashed against the ground, leaving her wriggling on the ground. There was so much blood it carried itself to the gutter, and sickened me to my stomach. She had this look in her face like it was all over, but I couldn't do anything. I was actually in the drive through window of my first job (the chicken place) screaming, asking if she was alright.

This old black lady got there before me and called the ambulance.

It's something I think about every once in a while, because it marked a change in who I thought I was. I stopped watching or even enjoying gorey movies. I started questioning the fragility of life, and I didn't even have to join the army to do it.

I also remember that nobody else seemed to give a shit. I mean pretty much everyone I worked with saw what I did, but it didn't bother them all. Okay, so most of them are cambodian refugees, so maybe they have seen worse things. But I wonder if I'm just overly sensitive.

My friend Chrystina said I should try and track this woman down to see if she really died or not, but I'm not sure how I'd even do that. I'm also not completely sure it would ease my mind. I was going to see something like that eventually, I imagine.

I think I had almost forgotten about it until I saw the trailer for Mad World a while back. Now, don't get me wrong. I know the difference between cartoon violence and the hard stuff. But there was this scene where the main character jammed a stop sign into some guy's throat and he was just screaming. Just screaming about how he didn't want to die.

That woman didn't scream out on the parking lot because she was unconscious. I imagine if she was of sober mind how horrifying it would have been. I don't think I could have just stood there and watched like I did. A person screaming out of fear of death just strikes a chord with me somewhere.

So I'm gonna ask a question to anyone who may have experienced something like this. What did it do to you?

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