I don't think I've mentioned this to a lot of people, but I've started making games. But in a hilarious twist of irony, I get anxious whenever I play video games because I feel like I should be working on my own game. Long after inspiration has faded, Space Delinquent lies incomplete. It yearns to be loved and nurtured. Longs to be a complete game.

Now do not get me wrong. Space Delinquent will be finished. But it's hard not to think about the next game, and the game after that, and what platform you are going to develop for, in what language.

Ultimately, I wish to satisfy my lust for telling stories. I can never draw comics on the level I want to. I have come to terms with that. I could't possibly write a novel. But games are a huge part of my life, and they are something I am immersed in. None of my real life friends read comics, and most don't even read books. But we all play games. And eventually, everyone in the world will.

I turned twenty-three recently and my thoughts have centered around moving out. It's not that I even really want to move out, but more that I don't want to be one of those guys that lives with his parents forever. I look at how much money I make versus how much an apartment is and it just does not seem reasonable. I can honestly say that I have no idea how people are meant to survive around here. What am I doing wrong?

I'm hoping to be good enough at making games that I can do it full time. I know it sounds crazy. As about as crazy as doing comics full time, I guess. But I'm going to school for computer science so it's a much more realistic dream, I think. I don't want to give up on comics forever though. I could probably find a way to combine the two thoughtfully given enough time. And no I don't mean using comics for cutscenes. It would have to take the traits that make them so good and somehow fit into a game. Something to think about.

Shell

I don't know if I'm remembering this correctly because my memory is pretty shit, but there was this Marylin Manson interview where he described music as an escape. He could put on a record and recede into this musical shell where your parents, your teachers, or your friends couldn't bother you. If I recall correctly, I could not relate at all.

When I was younger, I consumed music. You have to understand that this is around the time Napster became this huge deal. If you wanted to hear a song, you could just download it for free. How wild! It seems silly now, obviously, but it was almost like a race back then to see how much music you could accumulate from lesser known bands.

Oh you haven't heard of them? They're the best, but there stuff isn't sold in stores.

Well of course it fucking isn't. But I just ate that shit. Who are these guys? Okay this one song is good. Oh yeah, they're my new favorite band. I bought all their shirts.

To this day I don't think my friend Austin has ever listened to a song all the way through. I would come over, and we'd go through his library of newly accquired music and listen to about thirty seconds of one song before moving on to the next. One time while we were listening to "Smells Like Teen Spirit", he started up the next song to show me how much bass it had. I put him on the spot.

Hey man have you ever even heard the last verse of that song?

He tells me no and then asks why. Well fuck him then.

It wasn't until I was maybe 19 that I got it. After landing a job at Wal-Mart -- every boy's dream -- I managed to save up enough to snag some sweet headphones. Now I had no idea why I needed such sweet ass headphones. I just knew that I needed them because there is a right way to listen to music, and it involved them.

After that it hit me pretty fucking hard. I don't know if it's because I got turned down for a third date by I girl I really felt I had a connection with, or if it was because I hated my awful fucking job, or if those headphones were actually as super fucking sweet as everyone told me they were. But on a lonely day like any other, I put on "Since I've Been Loving You" by Led Zeppelin and vanished. Just poof.

I imagine if anybody else was in the room with me they would have freaked out. I was nowhere to be seen!

Wherever I was was very comfortable. I remember just seeing blue and yellow lines freaking out like some sort of musical muscle spasm. It was like being heartbroken but in love. My eyes were shut and I rolled around like a cat with some serious nip. The good stuff from oh you know that place in south america.

Yeah I "got" it. My house could have burned down and I would have died there, just listening to that song. As a matter of fact, I would have loved that. I can't think of a better way of dying.

So there you have it world. If you ever see my immersed in sound I want you to murder me. You would be doing me a favor.